Jamie and Kim Banks are living proof that the capacity to love expands to fit the need.

After having three biological children, a daughter and two sons, they felt they needed more youngsters in their family.

The Cottonwood couple approached their three teenagers three years ago, asking permission to pursue the adoption of one or two children who needed a home.

By Susan Johnson

Jamie and Kim Banks are living proof that the capacity to love expands to fit the need.

After having three biological children, a daughter and two sons, they felt they needed more youngsters in their family.

The Cottonwood couple approached their three teenagers three years ago, asking permission to pursue the adoption of one or two children who needed a home.

“We asked them first because we knew we’d need their help for this to work,” Kim Banks explained.

Although the family initially pursued adoption through a private agency, during the process Catholic Charities approached them about providing foster care for a sibling group of four, each one year apart and ranging in age from seven through 10.

If the arrangement worked out, adoption could be discussed.

The Banks agreed and by March of 2006 all four were formally adopted.

“Our older children mentor the preteens and it’s worked so well that they now have similar personalities,” Jamie Banks said.

Not long after, the state of Arizona called and said there was a sibling group of three that needed foster care, including twin boys who were two and a girl who was age three.

This time the Banks said no.

However, the state was persistent and on the third call to Cottonwood. The Banks said maybe.

“We all drove down to Phoenix together to meet with the state and to hear the situation.  After we met the children and talked about it as a family, everyone agreed we should do it,” Jamie Banks said.

Two weeks later, on December 23, 2005, the three younger children were at home in Cottonwood, along with their newly-acquired seven brothers and sisters.

“The four pre-teens became mentors to the three young ones,” Banks said. “It was such a natural sequence and no one’s birth order was interrupted.”

Then the state called again, saying that an infant sister of the three youngest, who were now officially adopted members of the family, was in need of foster care.

All twelve members of the Banks family sat down once again to consider the latest proposal and came up with a yes to the six month old.

“At 46, I didn’t think I wanted to start over again, but she’s just wrapped herself around my heart and we’re working on the adoption proceedings,” Kim Banks said. “She’s our little caboose.”

Now numbering eleven children, visitors might rightfully expect a certain amount of chaos and confusion in the household, but there was no evidence of such on a recent afternoon visit that offered one hour’s advance notice.

One teenage son was stirring something on the stove, a younger son came in looking for sympathy for a scratch on his foot, one daughter was playing with a black and tan lamb in the backyard and yet another child was mowing the front lawn.

“People ask us if we’re afraid to take on these kids because they’re at risk due to what’s happened to them,” Banks said. “Our goal is to show them a different path, to break the cycle and to help them grow up to be happy adults.”

“It’s true — we don’t know what will happen,” Jamie Banks said. “But, we open our hearts and minds to these children and we know that they’re better off here with us than staying in the system.”

In fact, the twins arrived with no speech capacity whatsoever, unable to speak even the usual first words of “no” or “mama.”

Speech therapy and extended attendance at pre-school helped them acclimate, along with unlimited access to unconditional love.

“The cautionary advice we have for others is that each child comes with baggage and you cannot just love them out of it,” Banks said. “If you’ve been a previous parent, you’ll need to think outside the box, developing a connection with the child and earning their trust. It means going beyond the usual parenting skills.”

Functional challenges are one thing, including a 15-passenger van for family outings and converting the garage into a home movie theater.

There is also the need for a numbering system to be sure that before the van leaves the driveway everyone’s present and accounted for.

On the other hand, there are also the very real financial difficulties of raising 11 children.

After the first sibling group arrived, Kim Banks left her position as a dental hygienist to be at home with the family, leaving Jamie Banks to support the whole crew working in a title company that’s been affected by the downturn in the real estate markets.

“Costco is great for buying in bulk,” Kim Banks said. “We don’t go out to eat much because it’s a minimum of $150 wherever we go.”

One financial positive is having that many deductions on their tax return, but it’s the intangible benefits that outweigh every negative.

“This has changed my perspective on humanity,” Jamie Banks said. “The most rewarding feelings I’ve had as a human being are taking someone who is wounded or broken and showing them that someone cares.”

Susan Johnson can be reached at 282-7795, Ext. 129 or e-mail sjohnson@larsonnewspapers.com