As Christmas Eve nears, children of the world eagerly look forward to the arrival of one jolly old elf who’ll be delivering presents late Saturday, Dec. 24, and early Sunday, Dec. 25.
Although he only works one day a year, Santa Claus has arguably the toughest job on earth during those 24 hours.
Sedona Red Rock News photojournalist Tom Hood and I happened to find Claus, of The North Pole, conducting a practice run this week on an Uptown rooftop. We quickly got his attention and scampered up to the roof where he granted us an exclusive interview.
Q: How do you have all the energy to deliver presents all over the world?
A: “It’s easy having all the energy and best wishes of the world with you.”
Q: How do you remember what everyone wants for Christmas?
A: “I get most of the information from letters and emails. But also from elves and the Santas at all those different malls and tree-lighting ceremonies.”
Q: So all those mall Santas are your assistants or employed by you?
A: “Absolutely. But sometimes it’s really me.”
Q: How do you define “naughty?”
A: “Sometimes ‘naughty’ can be nice, ho, ho, ho. Naughty is someone who doesn’t listen to their parents. Not listening to your parents is way up there on the naughty scale.”
Q: So what defines “nice?”
A: “Listening to your parents. Learning your three Rs. Being kind to other children.”
Q: Let’s talk about your sleigh. How do you get all those presents in it?
A: “Well, with today’s technology, it’s a lot easier. We have auxiliary sleighs that follow me in stealth mode. Since we invented the miniaturization ray, it allows us to put a lot more into Santa’s bag.”
Q: Do you build new sleighs, or is it the same sleigh you’ve always used?
A: “It’s the same but we’ve made a lot of improvements. Now it has GPS, and with the Internet, we can use weather mapping to find the best route.”
Q: So do you have some way of dealing with inclement weather?
A: “That’s why Santa wears this suit. It really is as warm as it looks.”
Q: And why is it white and red?
A: “It’s Mrs. Claus’ favorite color. Mrs. Claus thinks the red makes me look slim, ho, ho, ho.”
Q: Has your sleigh ever been close to being hit by an airplane?
A: “Well, I had that close call once with [Charles] Lindbergh, who was out on an unscheduled flight and had a few too many hot toddies.”
Q: About your reindeer, do you replace them when they get old or are they the same eight tiny reindeer, plus Rudolph?
A: “Santa Claus embraces the wonder and magic of our world, and the reindeer are in the same sphere.”
Q: Excluding Rudolph, who’s your favorite reindeer?
A: “Blitzen. Oh, I could tell you some stories about Blitzen ….”
Q: What’s your favorite Christmas song?
A: “‘Jingle Bells.’”
Q: How do you get into homes without chimneys?
A: “It’s for me to know and you to find out, ho, ho, ho.”
Q: What do you say to the people who don’t believe in you?
Q: What do you do between Dec. 26 and Dec. 23?
A: “I’ll refer you to the previous question.”
Q: Do you speak all the languages of the world?
A: “Sí.”
Q: What kind of house do you live in at the North Pole?
A: “A well-insulated one.”
Q: Do you make or buy Christmas presents?
A: “Santa and the elves make all the toys at the North Pole.”
Q: Do the elves live in the same house with you?
A: “I’ll just say Mrs. Claus, and I enjoy our privacy.”
Q: Do you have any bad habits?
A: “Mrs. Claus says I eat too many cookies. I don’t think I do. But I do love fresh, cold milk.”
Q: What do you want for Christmas?
A: “Well, Santa is a [Chicago] Bears fan, but [quarterback Jay] Cutler broke his thumb against the [San Diego] Chargers. Santa just wants the Bears to go to the playoffs.”
Q: What does “Ho, ho, ho mean?”
A: “It’s Ancient Elvish for ‘Let’s get this party started.’“
Q: Anything else you’d like to add?
A: “Mind your parents, help out around the house and stay in school.”
Then Claus sprung to his sleigh, gave his team of reindeer a whistle, and away they all flew to get ready for Saturday night.
